Dorrien's Desire
by Laura Scofield
Summary: Sequel to Hearts and Minds. Dannyl and Dorrien take a forest walk, and Dorrien confesses his feelings. Dannyl/Dorrien.


**Dorrien's Desire **

_(Well, despite the fact I have lost my enthusiasm for the Dannyl/Dorrien pairing, here is the sequel to my earlier fic called __**Hearts and Minds**__. I hope the readers who asked for this will enjoy it! It wasn't easy writing about Dorrien instead of Tayend… :P ) _

Dannyl's chance to talk to Dorrien came the very next evening. After dining with Rothen in his rooms, Dorrien had suggested that they go for a walk in the forest. Rothen declined; his excuse being that he still had a pile of essays to correct for his class. Dannyl, secretly delighted at this opportunity to be alone with Dorrien, agreed to accompany him.

As they strode out of the Magicians' Quarters and towards the forest, Dannyl couldn't help but ponder over Rothen's recent behaviour. Although obviously happy that Dorrien was visiting, and Dannyl was back temporarily from Elyne, Rothen just didn't seem his usual cheerful self. Dannyl could only presume that this was due to the High Lord taking over Sonea's guardianship, and thus effectively taking Sonea out of Rothen's care.

However, Dannyl didn't quite understand why Sonea never even visited Rothen. Especially since she didn't seem to have many friends. Perhaps Akkarin had discouraged her from visiting Rothen… but why would he do that?

Dannyl's thoughts were interrupted when he caught sight of his companion's face. Dorrien looked utterly forlorn – a look Dannyl had observed frequently on the young man's face over the past few days. As the pair of them reached the forest's outskirts and began following the path inside it, Dannyl decided that the time had come to find out what was wrong with Dorrien.

Taking a steady breath, the alchemist asked the healer gently, "Is anything the matter, Dorrien?"

The young man, startled at the question, replied hastily, "Oh no, not at all!" He smiled, but not convincingly. Dannyl could see his eyes were clouded with doubt.

Dannyl wasn't sure how to pursue the matter, but knew that he couldn't leave it at that. "I don't want to sound like I'm prying into your life or anything, but you have seemed rather unhappy lately." Dorrien looked away, but Dannyl continued tentatively, "Is it to do with Sonea?"

It took some time for Dorrien to respond, but when he did his tone sounded defeated. "Yes," He sighed, and added against his better judgement, "It's partly to do with her."

Dannyl decided it was best to focus on Sonea, and find out about whatever else was troubling Dorrien afterwards.

Dannyl ventured, "Rothen told me about your… interest in her. But it seems she hasn't shown you a lot of interest in return, at least from what I've seen. Although I'm hardly an expert on young ladies," Dannyl couldn't help but chuckle.

To the ambassador's surprise, Dorrien abruptly looked up at Dannyl, his eyes questioning. A slow smile crossed his face, and this one wasn't false like the previous one. Dannyl was relieved to have lifted Dorrien's spirits somewhat.

The young healer knew he needed to express his sadness and confusion to _someone_, and who better could he trust than Lord Dannyl, one of his longest friends?

"I really thought she liked me too," Dorrien admitted slowly.

Dannyl frowned. "Perhaps… she has decided not to let herself be…ah… distracted by men until she's finished her studies as a novice? Sonea always struck me as the sort of person whose determination can be rather formidable."

Dorrien gave a small chuckle. "Yes, that's true alright. Maybe I was wrong to try getting involved with her – I knew very well how studious she was."

Dannyl hesitated before saying, "We can't know for sure, but perhaps Akkarin has forbidden her from letting men divert her from her studies? After all, the High Lord would want his novice to excel and reach her full potential as a magician."

Dorrien still didn't look convinced. "Possibly, but I know that if Sonea cared enough for me, she wouldn't let that stop her. Or at least, she'd explain matters clearly, so we both knew where we stood." Dorrien shook his head, but managed to add wryly, "Looks like I have a habit of developing feelings for people who probably don't return them." As soon as the words left his mouth, he began to fear that he had given _far_ too much away.

Dannyl placed his hand on Dorrien's shoulder; in a gesture he hoped was reassuring. "Did you… were you… I mean do you think you are in love with Sonea?" He asked awkwardly.

Dorrien froze, but after a pause replied, "Actually, I don't think I was. It's… difficult to explain." The healer leaned against a tree, and stared intently at the older magician.

"It's as though I _wanted_ to fall in love with her… I truly admire her. I think I also felt a need to help her out, and be a friend she could depend on. But the thing about Sonea is that she doesn't need to be rescued or pitied. I think I misunderstood her last winter, but now that I've met her again… perhaps we're not as well matched as I had presumed. I think I wanted to fall in love with her, and her with me – because I believed her to be the sort of woman who was my equal."

Dannyl was taken aback by this sudden insight into his friend's love life. He commented earnestly, "But what good is that, if you aren't _in love_ with her?"

The healer sighed deeply. "Yes, I know. I suppose I was hoping I would fall in love with her in time… But it looks like I was fooling myself."

Dannyl tried to remain positive, and to help prevent Dorrien from slipping back into his gloomy silence. "Well, try not to worry over it too much, Dorrien. Someone like _you_ won't find it hard to find somebody else!"

Dorrien's eyes widened in shock, and he quickly asked, "What do you mean, somebody like _me_?"

Dannyl silently cursed himself for making Dorrien think he was insulting him. He rapidly explained what he had meant. "All I mean is that you won't let this incident with Sonea ruin your life. And somebody as appealing as you won't be short of suitors to choose from." Dannyl blushed as he wondered if his praise would hint to Dorrien that he had feelings for him.

Dorrien knew full well that what the alchemist said had some truth to it; he always had been popular with ladies. But this fact didn't cheer him up as had clearly been Dannyl's intent. The realisation hit Dorrien that he had never opened up to another person like this in years – instead he grew accustomed to keeping his problems to himself; not wanting to burden anyone else with them. But now, here he was pouring his worries out to his old friend Dannyl.

Dorrien had always been skilled at discerning the feelings of others; both from their expression and body language. Gazing up into the alchemist's face, he saw a captivating earnestness in his light brown eyes, which proved that the magician truly cared for him. He was also biting his lip; something he always did when he was nervous. Dannyl's hand on his shoulder was firm, but shaking slightly, as if afraid of being pushed away.

Feeling a sudden burst of recklessness, Dorrien replied, "but I won't be interested in any of them, when there's already somebody else I have feelings for; someone who no young lady can compare with."

Now Dannyl was completely baffled. "But you said you weren't in love with Sonea…"

Dorrien nodded and replied, "I'm not talking about _Sonea_, Dannyl…" Taking full advantage of the fearlessness that was surging through his body, Dorrien carefully reached up to clasp Dannyl's hand which was still on his shoulder. The alchemist gave a little jolt of shock but didn't pull away, even when Dorrien lightly rested his other hand on Dannyl's arm, and slowly stroked it through the fabric of Dannyl's robes.

"D – Dorrien?" Dannyl whispered, hardly daring to believe what was happening.

"I'm in love with _you_, Dannyl," Dorrien exclaimed, the words coming out in a breathless rush. "I – I only started to realise it after I left the Guild… I always tried to put it out of my mind and get on with my life. But I just can't do it anymore. I'm sick of lying to myself, and to everyone else."

Dannyl's mind was reeling with Dorrien's unexpected confession. He was finding it difficult to let the words sink in, but Dorrien's imploring soft blue eyes told him that this was no joke. Struggling to say something, Dannyl blurted out, "But you… you've been with girls before… are you saying you never felt _any_ attraction to them?"

Dorrien exhaled wearily. "I convinced myself that sooner or later I'd feel more attracted to girls. In the meantime, I courted ladies whom I held a lot of respect for, in the hopes that I would fall in love with one of them. I know Father often jokes with you about finding a wife… and he does that with me too; he doesn't realise how much pressure I'm under to find a suitable woman and get married. I used to assure myself that this was what I wanted, and what was best for me. And lately, I've _finally_ come to accept that it's not."

Dannyl appraised the young man intently, and finally asked ruefully, "So… What makes you think I'm a lad too?"

The younger man began to look flustered. "Well, I… I _did_ always keep the possibility in mind… I don't know for sure of course! But I have a feeling that if you weren't, you'd be furious and disgusted at me by now; not to mention you wouldn't be letting me touch you."

Despite the astonishment Dannyl was feeling about the whole situation, he found himself chuckling. "That's true. But perhaps I'm still in shock, and am liable to run away screaming at any moment?"

Dorrien laughed along with Dannyl, and took a precarious step closer to him. When Dannyl didn't protest, Dorrien wound his arms around the other magician's waist. After a few seconds, Dannyl adjust his arms to wrap them around the younger man's shoulders. The embrace was clumsy at first, but soon they relaxed and Dorrien lay his head against Dannyl's chest; relishing the warmth and the rapid beating of his heart.

Dannyl absently caressed the healers back, and occasionally stroked his soft tawny hair. Quite frankly, Lord Dannyl was still trying to get over the shock of it all. He had set out to discover what had been troubling Dorrien, and ended up helping him confess that he was attracted to men – just as Dannyl was. The magician tried to recall if Dorrien had ever left unintentional hints that he was a lad (or indeed that he was attracted to Dannyl) – because the alchemist had never suspected such a thing. _Or perhaps I'm just incredibly clueless when it comes to the subtleties of love… _

Dorrien abruptly looked up. "What are you thinking about? You've got that odd look on your face again."

"What odd look?" Dannyl asked indignantly.

"The one you get every so often for no apparent reason!" Dorrien retorted with a sly grin.

Dannyl didn't know whether to be affronted or amused. "My private thoughts are of no concern to _you_, young Dorrien!"

The healer merely shrugged lazily. "In that case, I had better resort back to searching for a respectable woman to marry…"

Dannyl couldn't help but smirk. "I most certainly will not let you go through _that_ again! Look what happened with Sonea – you made her duel her classmate in the Arena! _That's_ hardly a normal thing to suggest to your sweetheart! I just hope you don't expect _me _to participate in any dubious activities for your enjoyment!" Dannyl blushed, as he realised how 'dubious activities' may not have been the best phrase to use.

But Dorrien was wearing a cheerful look on his face. "Well, you needn't worry… for now. But I have high expectations of you, Lord Dannyl…"

"My only expectation of _you_ was that you were a gentleman – and now that's just been shattered!" Dannyl shook his head in mock disappointment.

Laughing and chatting to each other, they made their way back to the Guild under the moonlight.

_(Well I reckon that's the end of my Dannyl/Dorrien fics. I more or less followed my rough original plan for this… the only difference being that I decided to end it happily, rather than sort of bittersweet, because of course Dorrien will need to go back to his village, and Dannyl back to Elyne. Let me know what you think!) _


End file.
